Tuesday, December 28, 2004
well...yepz... here i am again... i've been stuck at home with nowhere to go so kinda spent my day slogging and sleeping... even though, i still feel weak and restless.. haiz... *yawn* oh my... hmm.. well... i've been doing some thinking... i think i am going back to my old ways... i think God is trying to test my strength and weaknesses... but i will pull through.. haiz... i had the most disturbing dream just now.. i aint gonna write it down just in case.. but i was glad on how i reacted to it in my dream... only it had definately brought back painful memories... haiz... and its making me feel werse since im back with him...i really regret it.. things were going on so well between us.. too many sweet memories more to say.. but after that incident, it really changes things... all those sweet, pleasent memories will have to go with the incident thus leaving me with the present that looks really bleak and unhappy... i mean, after hearing all those kinda stuff from the others, im unsure on where i stand.. and its making me feel really worst when he himself acts that way.. i noe its diff when u patch up but its really making me feel that im still without a boyfriend.. sometimes i wish i hadnt said 'yes' and carry on being happy with friends that i have around me... Raihaan, Nadiy, Azman, Haikal, Ellyas, Sabir, Firdaus, Nizam, Haidir, Iskandar.... haish... i know i've said a thousand times that i wont put my whole heart into this but i know myself and i always put my whole heart into a relationship that i created with people.. this really sucks u know.. i'm lost not knowing where to go and what to do... if only i could have the ability to read his mind and heart i think i would have definately make a smarter choice... haish... haish.... argh! i really hate this... God please help me... i really need to know.. please... haiz.... :'(
the end.