Tuesday, January 04, 2005
the past few days have been a really terrible roller-coaster ride... i think that hamad have become more hot-tempered and dat leads us to having to face some arguements.. but i just dont get it why he wants to fight with me? i've been doing nothing but being nice and giving but when he says something dat suppose to be thrown at me and i ask him wad he means, he'll simply says nevermind and wad not and leave me dere in a ditch.. like hello! he wont even tell me things and he said that i wont tell him things.. its begining to get on my nerves but i remain calm and just drop the matter since he wont wanna talk... den he gets angry... wad?! i just dun get it... i really dun want to argue... i just want us to start afresh and just leaving the fucking past behind us...sometimes i wish that this heart of mine would just stop loving so much so i can be happy... but i cant coz im too in love with someone whom i cant seem to understand.. sometimes i think that its because he still loves nadz... why is he so angry about? is he like so stressed up with skol like he said he is..? i can understand if it is but at least tell me... sometimes i wish i had the guts to leave him so that he can focus on his studies... i mean not that he's even spending time with me or anything but he really need to prioritise his workload.. and sometimes when he's treating me like this, i always say to myself that i deserve someone better than him... i mean some of my guy friends are really nice people and even without being in a relationship, i'm truly happpy.. but the happiness that was once present in our relationship is no longer with us... i really love this guy but i think my feelings will soon fade since he's treating me like this... i feel so helpless at times... haiz...
the end.