Friday, January 07, 2005
i spent my whole day cooped up in my room blasting my radio and slept occasionally coz i cant go out and was feeling soo damn bored!! haha.. wadaheck... i wish i had a job or something but my parents ar...wad sia... wadaver... seriously cant be bothered with them anymore.. bingit seh! wadaver... so anyway.. maybe i could recap my 2004 events since im lame and bored right now.. so, here goes!
Olevel results were released somewhere in Feb and my results were upsetting.. i was devastated and upset that i cried in skol.. well, nobody saw me crying.. except for cikgu, ellyas n amy when we met a few days later to discuss the next step.. i decided to retake my olevels again as a private candidate and enrolled myself in Mercu...
Things between me n Hamad were intense during the begining of the year but it took a turn for the worse and on 30/6, he sounded a breakup.. i was utterly devastated yet again... another blow came when i hadnt gotten over my first one.. i really wanted us to work things out but i figured he was bored playing with me that he remained with this decision.. his family helped me try to move on but deep down i know myself that i will not... his family were rather upset with him but nothing could be done since he remain stubborn with his decision.. so i gave in in the end and returned back his stuff on the day itself... i was heartbroken and kept to myself for quite a few months... its was bad... i cried everyday for him that i fell ill quite a lot of times... i tried my best to move on but i cant...
Sabir got to know about our breakup when i met him one day at the library.. And the next day, he msg me and told me that he liked me since sec skol and wanted to give a chance to be a couple.. i couldnt as my heart was still with Hamad and i didnt have any feelings for him.. all this while i thought he hated me and suddenly he says he like me?? wierd aint it?
I hooked up with my best friends from primary skol a while after Hamad broke with me.. we exchanged messages and they tried to make me feel better... Thanks u guys for ur time and effort in doing so...
Haikal and I contacted each other through msn during my ordeal and we grew quite close from there... we first went out together on my birthday, 6/9, to Mac at Pasir Ris to study.. we kinda had a great time with each other's company and i soon found myself laughing and being happy.. we met up more frequently after that to study and when we are not together, we would meet online and spend hours chatting... he was a great company... he would walk me home everytime we finished studying together till 11pm... haidir, nizam and firdaus have met him once and even persuaded me to hook up with him... hahaha... well... even though the idea was tempting, my heart remained stubborn, loving Hamad still eventhough the guys told me he was having fun with his many girlfriends... well, i broke down one day and Haikal came to my aid to offer a companion but i rudely brushed him off and felt quite bad about it.. he said that he like me and would give me time and would wait for me but yet again, my heart remained unchanged... soon, we went out own seperate ways, occasionally keeping in touch through msn... kinda miss him though...hehe...well...cant deny that i dont have any feelings for such a cute and handsome looking heart-throb!! ;p
i remained low-profile in Mercu and hardly talked to anybody... so i was kinda shocked when i accepted an msn invitation from Azman somewhere in early October... we chatted for a few while and exchanged emails... he gave some good insights of man since he's been through that stage...yep..hes old.. haha... not really... he's 25... it was pretty much a talk where he hopes that i would move on.. haha...sweet guy... well.. soon after being in touch with him, nadiy added me too and i soon began to open up with the guys there in school... well.. mainly because i helped them out in maths and phy... so we became quite close and occasionally shared some great laughs... i was much closer to Azman then as i felt that the rest wasnt much able to accept me yet as i was the only girl between them... but it didnt stopped me from hanging out with them during jammin' session after skol... it was fun....and eat out and just laze around at the coffee shop for a chat and some ciggies...
I remained close to Azman as he was posted to the same school as me for our papers in Junyuan Sec.. he would call me up and chat till early mornings and stay out till late night when we are studying... since he drove, time wasnt really something i bothered with.. hehe... he's a really nice guy i must say... we had some fun in each other company though it can be crazy at times.. haha.. like a time after a paper, he drove with one hand and the other holding mine and changing gears at the same time... somehow i got a bit uptight but i had confidence in him that he wont smash into the tree or something..hehe... we went to catch 'DollMaster' and 'Shark Tales' twice together since the rest wouldnt want to join us... it was irritating coz he kept putting his hand on my thighs as i was shaking too much.. haha..like it was my fault..cant help it.. well...soon after we got some rumours starting saying that there was something between me and Azman.. which was not true at all... Nadiy began trying to get me to be with Azman but it never worked! haha... well..coz i still loved Hamad and i didnt think i have any feelings for him... he is a nice guy and all... matured and knows how to treat people well but i just wasnt ready for it... haha... so i stayed away from Azman and eventually the rumours stopped...
We remained good friends all of us even till after our exams.. Raihaan msg me during the finals of Singapore Idol.. i was shocked on where he got my number since i didnt pass my num to anyone... we exchanged msgs for quite sometime and grew into good friends...
Recently, i asked them out to catch 'Meet the Fockers' with me, Charlene and Ellyas and only Raihaan, Khairi and Nadiy made it... we had quite a lot of fun since we hadnt seen much of each other for quite sometime.. Days after that, Raihaan began msging me quite frequently and sent me good nite msgs and even a 'muacks!' to end his msg... thats kinda scary but i remain cool... all of them had not known that i've patched up with Hamad but im begining to think that patching up wasnt a good idea after all...
Hamad had done it again.. making me cry for him while he's out there enjoying other girls company... i really dont deserve this... all i ever did was treat him good but this is what i get in return... my mistake was to love him too much... please god hear my cries... all i ever want is to be happy with a man who i love and love me back the same... please god!! all i want is for us to be what we used to be.. happy and loyal to each other... please god! hear my cries!
the end.