Monday, September 25, 2006
Urgh!! Why do I feel so sad?? Why do I feel that Jon going to win the Idol when Hady is much a better singer than him?? Jon so butchered the original song written for Idol. Hady sang much better than he did! Jon is so one tone! Are the judges deaf? And it seems like they are all rooting for Jon! Hady!! Argh!! I feel sad sia! I know Hady would win when I first heard him sang. But now, that confidence seems to be drifting! Not that I dont believe in him. I believe in him 100%!! Come on people! Vote for HADY MIRZA!! He is THE SINGAPORE IDOL!!
I, my mum and sis spent the night talking about Idol. We all agreed that Hady is much better than Jon but Jon is going to win Idol whatever it is. I just hope that Hady will get a contract. If not from recording management for Idol, at least the Malay music industry. He is a good singer and it is a waste to see his talent gone just like that IF he doesnt win Idol! And I swear I feel like kicking myself for not recording Idol!! I love Hady's rendition of the original Idol song!! And if he doesnt get to sing it, at least I have a recorded one. Haha! Okay Diyana. Stop being negative okay! MUST BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE WILL VOTE FOR HADY MIRZA!!!
Okok. Every time when I think about Idol, I feel sad. So let's change subject kay?
Hmm. Hamad called me. Asked if everything alright. What's with my nick and whatever else. So let me make a short shout out to people out there okay?
"To those people out there who has a problem with my MSN nick or my Friendster profile or my blog entry, please FUCK OFF! It's my nick, my entry, my profile, MY SAY! I write what I wish to say and it isn't your damn business!"
I'm pissed! Why do people like to poke their nose into my life? Don't they have anything better to do?
Some people pretend to be concern when they actually are gloating at how happy and perfect their relationship is. Well, NEWSFLASH!! Not everyone is happy to be where they are in life.
People change and so do I. I used to think and stood strong to believing that you should be 100% committed to a relationship and not play around. But that's just what I'm not doing right now. I feel that I don't love him anymore. I feel like I want to get to be with friends and know more people. I remembered what my Primary 6 Malay teacher used to say.
"Don't be in a relationship too soon. You don't know who you will meet in the future. Say in the working world. You'll meet new people and you might just meet the ONE."
At times I feel that commitment is not what I seek right now. I'm in need of freedom. Something that I don't get from my parents. And I don't need a BOYFRIEND to control me as well. Like 'why are you talking to him?' 'I thought you said you are no longer in contact with him?' 'What he wants from you?' 'What do you meet him for?' I have enough of stupid questions like this. It's my life! I do what I want! (maybe that's the reason why I feel a boyfriend is something that I don't need right now.)
But he did so many sacrifices for me. That I can't deny. Like how he buy me expensive stuff like that ipod and diamond ring from SK. And pay for my policy when I'm short of cash. But am I with him just because I owe him all that??? Sometimes I feel that's the reason why. I pity him as he is not well off. And I don't want him to feel like his waste all his money on me. Which he DID! I don't want to be ungrateful for what he has done for me thus far.
Argh! I feel like crying already! But the truth is that I just don't love him as much as I used to. Not because of third person. But ignore third person. It's just that our past really hurt us deep. And it made me they way I am now. Truth hurts. But since he wants to know, here it is. It was never about Azman. Or whoever. Did you know that when u first asked me for reconciliation when we met at camp, there was talk about how I should go back to you and break it off with u a week later to know how it made me feel and I agreed to it? Imagine how cruel I was? I agreed because I thought it was a great idea and I hated you so much that I want to see you suffer. But I never did it because I was not that person. And now, I'm in a mess which I can't get out of.
I feel tears down my cheek and I think I should just stop here. I'm sorry. I just hope you can leave me alone for the next few days. Seriously.
the end.